Can't Take It
by TheWriterWhoIsAlone
Summary: When Rachel leaves Santana decides to go with Dani and allow Rachel to stay at the apartment, instead of Rachel leaving. DANTANA**One shot**


**Disclaimer I do not own Glee**

"So, you are telling me that you were a gleek and cheerio, head captain at one point, and still got slushied at some points in your life, AFTER all of that?"

"Gleek?"

"Yeah, glee geek. I just came up with it, funny right?" She laughed.

"Hey I had it rough in high school, doesn't everyone? Isn't that kind of the point?"

"Aww I'm sorry."

"No it's fine. I deserved it. I really did, and much worse than I got. I was…"

"Don't, don't do that."

Santana suddenly got nervous staring at her girlfriend. Dani was beautiful and talented and she had never seen her grow serious.

"What just happened there love?" Santana felt knots in her stomach. She didn't want to ask, but the bad ass Santana Lopez was brought to her knees with just one touch, just one look. She had not felt this way since the blond Brittney S. Pierce, her long time friend. She felt she could open up to Dani.

"Santana." Dani sighed in answer.

Suddenly Santana knew that she did not want to open up but wanted Dani to tell her what was troubling her.

"I was not a good person back then. I tried and I tried so hard, it was, just a constant battle. I just wish you understood you know? I was not brave like you. I could not face being kicked out of the house, so I just bottled it up and got angry. I could not just take my music and forget everything, the road is easy when you don't have to look back, but sometimes what is behind you is constantly chasing you, dragging you down with it. You know?"

"That's why Rachel is so upset. Right? Why she left? Why you came here?"

"I wanted to show her I was not pure evil. She ripped up our picture, that, it hurt Dan. That people can change. She said she would leave but at soon as the door shut I told Kurt to call her back. Last one in, first one out, I wanted to respect that, respect her, and I knew I had somewhere to go...I could come here with you. She thinks that I was trying to mooch off of her, make her feel bad about herself, like I used to. That was not what it was about. I was just tired of feeling bad about myself again. I mean you saw that commercial, I didn't even get paid! A stigma is always added to my name, no matter what happens."

"Aw come on, that commercial was cute and funny. You were hot."

Dani smiled and there was less tension between the two.

Santana figured she could not get the other woman to open up without doing so first. Sure they had a few dates already, kissed, and not just a peck on the cheek or lips, but it was still… new, a fresh relationship. Santana knew she could come to her though.

Santana had to tell her real history, everything she had done, she knew Dani needed the real reason. She was tired of lying, she had not told the truth her whole life, pretended, she figured she that was why she was more honest with other people, it was easier to see. It had been easier to call people out.

"You know, I was bullied." Dani said in response to everything that was said. It was the only thing she thought to say.

"What?"

"It was not all rose petals for me either you know San? People at my school, they found out. I did not want to leave home. I had a life there, a bad one yes, but a life, I had to leave my little brother behind. I had to… well the bullying was not hard to leave. It made my high school life hell. People outed me too. I was not ready. It's like you said. People enter high school and never come out the same. I did not which is why when I walked the stage I went straight to my car afterwards and never had any regrets. Do I miss my brother? Yes. Did I leave behind a girl? That girl I kissed in my basement? Yeah. Was it easy leaving the abuse? The hurt and pain and embarrassment? Yes. It was not hard, not one bit and that's what made it all worth it. You get used to it, but then you get out. Life is a redemption song. We are all in recovery."

By this time Santana was lying on top of Dani on the couch while playing with her hands and fingers, as they had done so many times before.

"It's easy to do. When you're the one hurt, but when you are the one hurting it's not that simple." Santana whispered. "I'm not trying to make it seem like what you went through was not intense. It was…but it's hard to sympathize with the one that does the hurting. Finn, the guy that passed, we had a complicated past. He outed me, I told you. Yet when I was upset, no one sympathized with me. They acted as if he was doing me a favor, he was the big football star, goofy Frankenteen." Santana laughed maddened. "When he sang a few songs trying to apologize they put him on a pedestal. I- I slapped him."

"At least you had support and were not bombarded with it, with the hate. I get it though. Everyone should be given the chance to not be defined by their past, even when someone is in the wrong. The haunting is a two way street."

"Exactly. Man, I just wish that I could…"

She turned over to Dani.

"Baby, just don't think so much. Don't over think it all."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh nothing, never mind, just thinking out loud I guess. Come on! We got to get you unpacked."

Dani kissed her lips.

Santana followed after her.

When Dani saw Santana, the woman she loved, at her door step, almost in tears, she knew in that moment she would never be able to deny her anything. She would let her stay with her. She would do anything, go anywhere, if not for their future and her happiness. She just wanted to wrap her up in her arms and shelter her from the world

"They are gonna throw it back to you. By now you should realize what you are not to do. I don't believe that anyone feels the way I do about you now." Dani said.

"You're my wonder wall." Santana sang while laughing. "God, you are a dork. Thank you. I needed this. I am tired of using people. I'm happy I have you sweetie."

"Me too darling, me too."

"I'm sorry it hurt so much, both of us. That we are not, untouched."

They unpacked, one article of clothing at a time. Shirts, pants, dresses, that's when Dani saw it. She cracked up.

"Leba-nese." Dani struggled with the pronunciation "Um, what's the story on this one?" She laughed.

"Where did you get that?" Santana had a worried expressing.

How could she handle all of this now? After everything? There was also a slight blush.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Hey no, none of that. Tell me. Please? I'm all ears."

Dani walked over to her and wrapped her arms around the other's waist.

"It's stupid, really. Once, in glee, we had this whole week of acceptance. Brittney, the girl I was in love with. She…made it for me."

"Ah so that's the name. That was your girl."

"Yes-Yeah."

Santana was nervous as she could not read or understand any reaction Dani was giving her, she could not read her very well.

"It's okay you know, that you have history. If you can accept me as I am so can I. It's what made me fall in love with you, because if you didn't have it, you would not be the same person. Are you happy now? That's the real question."

"With you? Yes. Away from Rachel? Yes. Being able to be with someone I really like? Yes."

"I think I even owe Brittney. She helped you a lot. I think it is good you harbor no bad feeling to your ex. It's not healthy, sadness, hate, it all starts to consume you. Ya know?"

"When did you get so smart?" Santana laughed.

Santana gently moved a strand of Dani's hair out of her face, and it quickly went back to its original position. Dani then tried to move it by blowing on it with her own air.

That also failed, so Santana decided to just mess it up completely.

They giggled.

It was the small moments they enjoyed. The moments like this. They enjoyed these moments, the moments in time when they could sing together, when they would do something brash to get one another's attention and to impress, or just sit and talk. They enjoyed the moments when Santana would learn how to play guitar, Dani's fingers leading her, which led to her kissing her neck just above the strap, with the single pick in both their hands. They were still on simple chords like G, D, Em, and C, but Dani remembered when that was a struggle. Now she could do a hammer-on and a lick with scales with such ease. She really loved feeling the imprints upon her fingers, it made her feel she had a goal in life, and hoped it made Santana feel the same way. That it would show her that there is always something to do. She would complain how it hurt her fingers and in response Dani would talk about her calluses were not fully formed yet. Santana would laugh because she finally understood why when Puck tried that move it never worked, he was no Dani.

"If she got your heart then she must have been something special."

"She was beautiful, innocent, but you have my heart now. That makes me happy in its own way."

"Oh and what about me? What's so special about me?" Dani tried to joke it off. She did not expect a real reaction.

That's when Santana grew serious.

"You make me laugh. You are sweet and confident. You balance me out because you are so down to earth. I-I don't feel so badly about my past . I don't think about it because, I know you are my future. God, just hearing myself right now, I would have never been this open, this defenseless."

Santana looked at the ground. That's when she felt Dani's finger under her chin beckoning their eyes to meet one another.

"Will you do something for me?"

Santana's smile met her eyes as it appeared on her face.

"I don't think we should tonight Dani." Santana said with her tongue sticking out.

"Not like that! I respect you more than that." Dani said with a chuckle and eye roll.

"You know I was going to stay home and wait around. I was going to do it every night. Be alone, take cold showers. I didn't think I knew how to love so I hated myself."

Dani raised up the sleeves from her shirt.

Her tattoos.

"Run your fingers over them."

Santana did as was asked carefully pawing and padding with her thumbs as she took the wrists in her hands. She felt them, scars hidden by the black ink. She felt the raised skin though.

"You asked me, remember? On our first date? What they meant? Well they are a reminder for myself, I don't want to go back there anymore either. I was always so self conscious. I never felt like enough. I- I never told anyone that."

"Dani…"

Santana was speechless.

"I guess we both had growing pains." Dani took back her hands and put back down her sleeves. "I didn't do that to make you feel bad for me. I just wanted you to know too. I wanted you to know you have a fresh start here, with me, in New York. I wouldn't love you if you changed. I remember when we first slow danced, and you were so shy, and I was dying to just take you and hold you close. I don't know if we can make this work, but I am willing to try. When you were at my door today, all I could think was, god, how can she pick me? How can she trust me to take care of her? I must be the luckiest girl in the world. I was honored. I-I love you San and it may be too soon, or you may think I'm just saying it, but, I just NEEDED to say it, just once, I want you to know."

It was the first time that the words were spoken.

Santana was still speechless. This was the point where she would say it back but she couldn't form it into words.

"This is when you say it back." Dani said nervously and sweetly.

"I-I love you too." Santana said as she went to Dani.

This would not be as bad as she thought.

**Sigh so I just had dantana feels and have so many questions around them and head canons and it saddens me Demi was wasted in a way. I sent my prompt to a few people on tumblr a longgg time ago that Dani finds the shirt and gets upset and some answered, but I just wanted to write it, and it became this. I am a musician so I put a lot of myself in Dani and ah. The feels. I think that is why I sympathize with her so much, I get where she comes from. So yeah! That is all!**


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